Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
