i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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