Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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