I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
