my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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