i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
