Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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