You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My ass is underappreciated
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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