drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
