I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
