Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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