I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
