You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
