Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
