btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
