Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
