Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
