What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
