Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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