somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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