How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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