seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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