my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
