I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize