i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
