I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
