you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
