I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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