so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
