its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
