why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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