I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
