I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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