No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
