Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
