Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
