remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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