piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
