i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the raccoons are back...
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