we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
