i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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