her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
