Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
