And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
