After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
