I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
