Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
