Dual....:-)
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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