can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
