This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my shit smells like andre
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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