No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
