drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A+ Viking dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
