Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
