They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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