Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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