Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
