I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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