I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
