Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize