I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
