Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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