Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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