You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
