i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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